Louise Hay (among others including the goddess Florence Scovel Shinn) wrote that we all have limiting beliefs about illness, such as believing that we get the flu every year, a cold every summer, and so on.
Apparently, that belief has come back for me. I got sick last March, when I still had a full-time job, and I got sick again this March.
Part of my pattern is ignoring when I had any symptom or anything that felt off, such as a headache, sore throat, or body aches. That is how I ended up in the hospital in 2019, ignoring my sore throat and my general fatigue.
When I wrote my post the other day, about feeling disrespected and realizing that some of that was coming from not respecting myself enough to say no to other people, I was at the tail end of seven days of feeling fatigued and ignoring it. Feeling achy and ignoring it. Not really being that hungry, which became a problem because I would suddenly realize I needed food and then eat too much and feel what? Sick afterwards.
Avoiding details, let's just say that I got really sick, and it felt sudden. But of course it wasn't sudden, this mystery illness. And please let me state right off is not COVID so don't worry, your uninsured, unemployed friend that lives alone and has been staying away from everybody and everything as much as possible and washing hands so much that my skin is super-dry and cracked and wearing a mask from before I open my door to leave my apartment until I lock my apartment door upon my return, does not have the COVID.
I feel very much like I imagine seasickness would feel, having never been on a boat, I can't say. Extremely dizzy and off-center, and as far as food? Ew. I am better now, but these symptoms persist. I had to drive myself to the COVID test yesterday because I had to be sure not it was not COVID, and driving while dizzy is not something I recommend.
Why didn't I ask my sister to take me, or why didn't I get an Uber? Because, if it was COVID I didn't want to expose anybody. I drove with my flashers on and made everybody stay the hell away from me on the road, just like I do when I am out on foot.
I was pretty sure it wasn't COVID because as sick as I was, there was no fever, ever. Which I know because I took my temperature about 1,000 times a day. But being sure about it didn't stop me from being in a panic about it. This illness, whatever it is, is describable mostly by the word, "off." I feel off, all over the place. This is Day 6, I could not look at the Internets until Day 5. Mostly because my friends on social media post a lot of pictures of food. And as written above: Ew.
It took a few days to have anything other than water, and then I could introduce my lovely friend Coke back into my diet. It helped me feel better, which may be a psychological thing. My mother used to give me coke syrup for tummy troubles when I was little. Note: Coke is what is pictured above in my pretty wine glass. I just got a little tired of drinking from the can and wanted to feel normal.
The good thing about being unemployed and having only a few side hustles to get by is that nobody really cared that I couldn't do anything other than rest. Well, luckily, some of my clients did, and I got a few requests I couldn't take. Mainly because I didn't want to talk on the phone or stress myself out or do anything other than rest until I found out for sure that this mystery illness was not COVID.
I got a lot of requests for favors or quick conversations or chats or odd jobs for "when I feel better." And due to my realization in my last post that I have to say no more often, do you know what I said?
No!
Except, I didn't actually say no right away. That took a bit of practice, even in my state of illness. I said, "Let me get back to you" at first. Then I realized I already knew I didn't want to do the things I was being asked to do, so why shouldn't I just say no now? So I did! It felt great. I surprised some people for sure, but look, they'll get over it.
Now, before I end this post, remember in the recent past when I was recapping WandaVision and then I felt like I wasn't in the space to focus on writing about TV or even watching TV, so I put the project on hold? Well, in order to distract myself while I was waiting for it to be time to go get the COVID test, I fired up the Plus, and live-tweeted my reactions to each episode.
So, if you care to, please enjoy my thoughts on my Twitters. Spoiler: I loved it! And I can't wait to see what they do with Wanda and the White Vision (is that what he's called?) from now on. Legit excited for next week's premiere of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I also really enjoyed the tweet format, so I will probably do that with all the Disney Marvel stuff that is upcoming.
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