Through my personal trauma and PTSD in 2019, as well as the trauma that everyone reading this experienced in 2020, the one thing that I credit with getting me through is staying in the present moment. Some call it mindfulness: the idea of choosing to be aware of where you are in the present so that you don't allow the panic or fear or trauma to envelop you and take over.
That process allows you to conscious choose your thoughts and where they take you. The example I use on the phone with my clients is this: "Right now, in this moment, you and I are having a conversation, and we are choosing peace. So right now, in this moment, there is peace."
I love coffee, and I love water, and have had no problem implementing these into my daily life. My coping mechanism for 2020 was to look at what I could shift and change. The feeling of helplessness is lessened by focusing on what I do have, what I can do.
I have recently started eating better and working out. Mind you, these are things I knew I could do all along. If you were to step into the time machine and Quantum Leap to my pre-2019 self, you would see that though my weight fluctuated here and there, I was pretty much always the same size and could fit into my clothes. Then 2019 happened, and I got sick, and had to say goodbye to my energy and my size as I gained weight from medication. And then I broke my foot, and I had to say goodbye to mobility as I gained even more weight. Then later in 2020, I said hello to arthritis in both legs, and a terse how-do-you-do to asthma, which never leaves me and always gets worse when I am under stress. The less I could do physically, the more weight I gained, the worse the asthma got, the more the pain of my legs and especially my foot increased, and the vicious circle continued. And none of my clothes fit.
I won't say the number of pounds I gained between 2019 and the end of 2021, but if you are personally acquainted with me in life, I will say this: More than you think.
Yes, we're in a pandemic and I can't go to a gym, but a gym is not somewhere I would want to go, anyway. I don't enjoy being in a room full or people who can watch me. I guess it literally brings back that gym class rejection I was talking about yesterday. Or I just feel judged and icky. But gyms are not for me.
One thing that I always did was walking; but that was impossible with so much pain in my foot and legs. I tried doing a few things on my own, but I lacked the motivation and energy to get through them. When I was complaining about the pain to my sister, she told me she heard on NPR about someone that had crippling arthritis, and that credited yoga with getting him to a point where he can now run marathons and climb mountains or something. Mountain climbing is not for me, and I would last about fifteen seconds in a marathon, but the idea of walking without pain and doing something that could help me lose this weight and feel better physically was compelling.
I knew I had to get over my limited idea of my capacity to work out. I know there are people who love it so much, and I admire them. I thought of all the things I had ever tried in previous attempts to work out that I had enjoyed. Yoga and pilates were up there. I did a Google for "home workout, pilates," and I found the free app created by an amazing woman that I had never heard of befor, Cassey Ho.
Cassey created Pop Pilates, which is still pilates but more fun. She's also a writer and has a really cool website called Blogilates (pronounced blog il aht ees). I have never had a personal trainer, but she is what I imagine a personal trainer to be, or could be: Encouraging, motivating, and reinforcing. And she's funny. In her app, which is called Body by Blogilates, she has a daily workout calendar, and all you do is work out to the video and then check off the box to say you're done, and it claps for you!
I can't tell you how much I have lost, because I don't have a scale. I can tell you some things are fitting better, and I definitely have more energy than I have had since before I got sick. Because I am easily influenced, and because Cassey puts recipes on her blog and since she makes it look easy, I decided to try to incorporate healthier eating.
I am writing more in daily life, so that has inspired me to try to write here every day, even if I don't have what seems like a complete post in my mind. That helps to alleviate the pressure I put on myself to have something fully formed before I start writing it.
These habits are helping me, but I want to reinforce (in case it helps you) that I think one of the most important daily habits for me is to be aware of my thoughts. To not judge myself for having fear or panic thoughts. To tell myself I am safe. And to never, ever, give up coffee.
Recommendation of the Day: Cassey Ho on YouTube
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